Carta de Rejeição para Autores

O site Stoneslide Corrective bolou algo muito interessante para autores que estão prontos a enviar seus livros para serem aprovados (ou não) pelas editoras: um gerador de rejeições! A idéia é ir se preparando pro pior. De acordo com os caras, é psicologicamente provado que após experienciar dor as pessoas ficam com menos medo no futuro. E é aí que treinar ser rejeitado – de uma forma divertida – entra. Tenta aí!
No site você também pode escolher o estilo da rejeição que quer ter: desde a destruidora, passando por bons modos e até formas antiquadas de dizer “não, não vamos publicar seu livro”. Você coloca seu email no primeiro campo e confirma que não é um robô no segundo e pronto, em breve vai receber na sua caixa de entrada uma mensagem nada animadora.

Fiz um teste com uma delas e recebi:

Querido Autor,
Se tivessemos a verba, a gente contrataria o pessoal que faz a limpeza de tóxicos em sites do Superfund para visitar seu escritório e expurgar toda evidência de sua tentativa de escrita. Talvez podemos contratar um agente federal. Deixaremos você saber.

Atensiosamente,
Os Editores

OUTCH!
E aí, o que acham? O que deu o seu?

por Babi Dewet. Mora no Rio de Janeiro, é autora do livro Sábado à Noite, formada em Cinema, professora, Galaxy Defender, Jedi, Sonserina, fã de Kpop, empresária neurótica, amante de séries de TV coreanas e filmes bobos americanos.

32 comentários

  1. Camis disse:

    Dear Writer,

    We are going to publish an excerpt from the piece you submitted. It’ll go into tomorrow afternoon’s inter-office memo.

    Thanks,
    The Editors

    lol

  2. Babi disse:

    lol
    boa!

  3. O meu foi igual ao da Camis:
    ”Dear Writer,

    We are going to publish an excerpt from the piece you submitted. It’ll go into tomorrow afternoon’s inter-office memo.

    Thanks,
    The Editors”

    HAHA, esses editores e o copia e cola, ai ai…

    Beigos!
    Maura C. Parvatis postado recentemente…Projeto 52 x 5: Semana #2 Eu nunca…

  4. Jéssina Lopes disse:

    Eu coloquei Destruidora e recebi:
    Dear Writer,

    I regret to say that we cannot use the piece you have submitted. There are many potential reasons for this: we are looking for very particular subject matter; we are overstocked right now; we were drunk when we read it. This is not a judgment of you. It does not mean you are a bad writer.

    Of course, you probably are a bad writer. You’re probably so bad you can’t finish this sentence: “My mama wears _____.” The vast majority of people who think of themselves as writers are actually bad writers. They just don’t know it. Nonetheless, this one rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that you are bad. But you probably are.

    And the odds are that you are immoral and lazy as well. We don’t mean to be harsh. We’re talking about the percentages here.

    Best,
    The Editors
    Ri muito com “nós estavamos bêbados quando lemos”.

  5. Babi disse:

    HAHAHAHAH muito bom o seu!!

  6. “Dear Writer,

    I regret to say that we cannot use the piece you have submitted. There are many potential reasons for this: we are looking for very particular subject matter; we are overstocked right now; we were drunk when we read it. This is not a judgment of you. It does not mean you are a bad writer.

    Of course, you probably are a bad writer. You’re probably so bad you can’t finish this sentence: “My mama wears _____.” The vast majority of people who think of themselves as writers are actually bad writers. They just don’t know it. Nonetheless, this one rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that you are bad. But you probably are.

    And the odds are that you are immoral and lazy as well. We don’t mean to be harsh. We’re talking about the percentages here.

    Best,
    The Editors”

    Hehehehehehe =D
    Maria Fernanda postado recentemente…Para começar bem a semana – Burn it Down

  7. ahuahuahau Adorei a Dica Babi. Vou entrar agora para ver a minha carta!!

    O pior é será se as editoras brasileiras adotarem este modo de dizer NÃO!

    Beijos,

    Carol*

  8. Luks Vieira disse:

    Cada resposta em…rs.
    Att.,
    Luks

  9. Tulipa disse:

    Dear Writer,

    I regret to say that we cannot use the piece you have submitted. There are many potential reasons for this: we are looking for very particular subject matter; we are overstocked right now; we were drunk when we read it. This is not a judgment of you. It does not mean you are a bad writer.

    Of course, you probably are a bad writer. You’re probably so bad you can’t finish this sentence: “My mama wears _____.” The vast majority of people who think of themselves as writers are actually bad writers. They just don’t know it. Nonetheless, this one rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that you are bad. But you probably are.

    And the odds are that you are immoral and lazy as well. We don’t mean to be harsh. We’re talking about the percentages here.

    Best,
    The Editors

    Se eu recebesse uma carta dessas acho que ficaria deprimida xDD
    Mas gostei da idéia desse site.

    “And the odds are that you are immoral and lazy as well” HAHA concordo com preguiçosa xD

  10. Ane disse:

    Gente é bom mesmo pra ir treinando, alto estima vai lá me baixo kkkkk
    Mas gostei da ideia do site.
    Ane postado recentemente…Estilhaça-me

  11. Daphne disse:

    Adorei as respostas SHUAHSUASHASA. Depois de algumas é muito motivador continuar escrevendo SHAUSHUASUA.

  12. Rissia Ribeiro disse:

    Eu n]ao tentei poruqe cinceramente tenho medo do resultado !

  13. Karlinha disse:

    Gente, do céu! Ri alto aqui. Só você para encontrar essas coisas Babi. Adorei!!

    KARLINHA
    http://WWW.COFFIEANDMOVIES.COM.BR

  14. Naniedias disse:

    Mandei de todos os tipos para mim >< hahahaha E morri de rir com as respostas =)
    Naniedias postado recentemente…O Lago das Sanguessugas, de Lemony Snicket

  15. Sabryna disse:

    OUTCH!!!! :/

    Cada resposta em…rs.+

  16. Babi Lorentz disse:

    Kkkkkk, adorei a dica, Babi!
    Dá uma olhada na minha. :P

    “Dear Writer,

    We are pleased to be able to tell you that your submission has been accepted into our Comprehensive Rejection Initiative. You can be assured that none of your work will ever be published here.

    Best,
    The Editors”
    Babi Lorentz postado recentemente…Assista: Desenrola

  17. Keite disse:

    Estou esperando o site processar né, por que ele não foi com a minha cara KKKK

  18. PPSKSPKSPKSPKSPKPS

    GENIAL.

    Tenho nem coragem, lol
    Celle Espindola postado recentemente…[Retroprojetor #30] Mirror Mirror

  19. Keite disse:

    Dear Writer,

    We are pleased to be able to tell you that your submission has been accepted into our Comprehensive Rejection Initiative. You can be assured that none of your work will ever be published here.

    Best,
    The Editors

    Quase choro se recebo uma carta dessa da editora :/

  20. Nany Vianna disse:

    Dear Writer,

    I regret to say that we cannot use the piece you have submitted. There are many potential reasons for this: we are looking for very particular subject matter; we are overstocked right now; we were drunk when we read it. This is not a judgment of you. It does not mean you are a bad writer.

    Of course, you probably are a bad writer. You’re probably so bad you can’t finish this sentence: “My mama wears _____.” The vast majority of people who think of themselves as writers are actually bad writers. They just don’t know it. Nonetheless, this one rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that you are bad. But you probably are.

    And the odds are that you are immoral and lazy as well. We don’t mean to be harsh. We’re talking about the percentages here.

    Best,
    The Editors

    TO MORRENDO
    Nany Vianna postado recentemente…GALERIA: Meet & Greet no Rio de Janeiro

  21. Claudia Malta disse:

    Dear Writer,

    We are pleased to be able to tell you that your submission has been accepted into our Comprehensive Rejection Initiative. You can be assured that none of your work will ever be published here.

    Best,
    The Editors

  22. Babi disse:

    HAHAHAH boa essa também!

  23. Deus, que ideia genial! UAHSIUAHSIAUSH’ adorei, vou tentar tbm, quem sabe o meu dá alguma coisa engraçada :P

  24. Bruna Campos disse:

    Mas é cada uma que inventam hein ahuahuahua vou fazer o meu agora
    Bruna Campos postado recentemente…Resenha "Presentes da Vida"

  25. Bruna Campos disse:

    QUerido escritor,

    Temos o prazer de dizer que sua apresentação foi aceita na Iniciativa de rejeição abrangente (?). Você pode ficar seguro de que nunca nenhum trabalho seu será publicado aqui.

    Atensiosamente,
    Os editores.

    Dushhh

    The Editors
    Bruna Campos postado recentemente…Resenha "Presentes da Vida"

  26. Larissa disse:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA QUE GENIAL
    meu, muito bom esse site!!!
    Larissa postado recentemente…Eventos, Resenhas e Outras Novidades

  27. Marcia Cristina C Santos disse:

    kkkkkkkkkkk, aiai.

  28. KKKKKKKKKKKK ADOREI ISSO!
    Amanda Holanda postado recentemente…Ler devia ser proibido!

  29. Muuito bem bolado! ahahahah Estou aqui rindo com as respostas ^^

  30. Dear Writer,

    Great stories are great because they shine a light on the darkness that shrouds our existence. Your writing illuminated something for us and you are to be commended for that. Unfortunately we cannot share this light with any future readers; the light that came from your carefully wrought manuscript resulted from the match our slush pile reader held to one corner that subsequently caused it to burn in a bright display of flame in the metal wastebasket reserved for just such efforts. You created light. We toasted a few marshmallows over its orange glow. They were good–toasty on the outside, melty on the inside. Be comforted, gentle writer, and know that your work was not done in vain. Our marshmallows await your future efforts.

    Sincerely,
    Fernanda Freire postado recentemente…Booktrailer de P.S. Eu te Amo

  31. Julia disse:

    Dear Writer,

    This piece is amazing. We were utterly blown away reading it. We laughed and cried at the same time, creating a strange gasping noise that went on so long our neighbors called an ambulance. That’s how powerful your writing is.

    We’d just like to see one change: Could you make the narrator an eighty-year-old grandmother who hears about the story while waiting for gall bladder surgery via a phone call from her goddaughter who only speaks Dutch and Mandarin? That would really pull it all together.

    Regards,
    The Editors

  32. Me senti super amada:
    Dear Writer,

    Remember when Hemingway shot himself? You too can be a great writer, just like him….

    The Editors

    HSAHSHAHSHAHHSHAHSHAHSHHA

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